Jon's work shift rotates monthly. For the month of January, he's on overnight shifts. (Overnight shifts make our family's life about 900% less pleasant than day shifts, but that's another post.) For the first few shifts on, it takes a LOT out of Jon to get acclimated. When he comes home at 6:30ish AM, he pretty much goes right to bed, stumbles out once or twice to grab a bite to eat, mutter hello, possibly yell at us for being too noisy, and then returns to bed. He gets up in time to shower and go back. After a few days, it evens out, but during those first few shifts, he's pretty much working, sleeping, or deliriously tired all the time.
Today was one of those days. He got home at 6:30, stayed up long enough to get Abbie up for preschool and give her breakfast, then went to bed. He asked me to please wake him up at 9:00 to call his sergeant and find out if he had a class this afternoon. (He's off tonight and tomorrow night and needed to make plans to help out a friend of ours.) I went in and woke him at 9:00, went in again at 9:15 and found his phone for him, went in again and reminded him at 9:30. The 9:30 conversation went a little like this:
Me: Honey, you need to call James. Do you still have your phone?
Jon: (rummaging around through the bedcovers) It's here somewhere.
Me: (handing him the phone) Here it is, it's right here.
Jon: (looking at the phone, using a tone that suggests I may possibly be mentally deficient) THAT is a PHONE. I'm looking for the OTHER thing.
Me: (confused) What other thing?
Jon: (still in that tone that sends me 0-60 on the anger scale in .4 seconds) The long, skinny tube thing.
Me: Honey, I think you're still sleeping.
Jon: I AM NOT SLEEPING. I AM LOOKING FOR THE TUBE OF ALUMINUM FOIL.
Me: (now trying not to laugh) Why would you have aluminum foil in our bed?
Jon: It's the THING! That is the PHONE! The TUBE, for making contact....just get out. Stop it.
Me: Honey, I'm just trying to help you; do you need your phone? (Keep in mind that he is eyes-wide-open looking at me, insisting he is awake this whole time.)
Jon: Just get out. I know you're trying not to laugh. Just leave.
Me: OK. Do you want me to call James for you?
Jon: You can't get him without the tube.
I left, still a bit annoyed that he was talking so mean. But mostly laughing because it was a funny exchange. I DID call James, got the information he needed, then went back in a few minutes later. I gently woke him up and said, "Sweetie, I talked to James; your class is cancelled for this afternoon. Do you want me to call Neil and find out what time you guys need to go?" He said no, called Neil and made the arrangements, then, just before he rolled over and went back to sleep, said, "Do you need anything else from me?"
I said, "Well, can we talk about the tube of aluminum foil?"
He thought about it for about 2 seconds, then started laughing, covered his head, and said, "No. No, we cannot."
I left him alone after that. I'm still giggling out loud thinking about it, though.