Monday, June 15, 2009

OK, so the smell thing

Last week, I noticed a vaguely funky odor in my kitchen. I sniffed around. Couldn't find anything. The left side of my kitchen is a possible odor nightmare, as the refrigerator, trash can, washer and dryer are all right in a row. So I don't find anything.
The next day, a bit worse. Smells like musty old man breath. (You KNOW what I mean.) Not like rotting trash, or fruit, or mildewy clothes. Still can't find it.
Third day now horrible. Go through refrigerator, nothing. No dirty/stinky clothes in washer. No not-quite-dry-so-now-musty clothes in dryer. Trash can empty.
Wait. Waaaait just one minute. What's that BEHIND the trash can? Oh, it's the lid to the trash can. (Why do I even keep that? It's NEVER on the trash can. Screw it, I'm going to throw it away.) But as I lift it, yuck, what's that black liquid pooling on it? OH MY GROSS, IT SMELLS SO FOUL! WHAT IS THIS VILE MIASMA OF NASTINESS?????
I look up, to behold a lone potato sitting underneath a bag of onions in the produce basket that hangs from the underside of the cabinet. The onions are fine; the potato, sadly, is not. At arm's length, with a paper-towel-covered hand, I throw the potato in the trash can. Then gag into said trash can. Carry the bag out. Go spray the offending liquid puddle with some strong chemical. Gag again. Almost leave it for Jon to clean up, honestly only because he has a stronger stomach. Soldier on. Have to move refrigerator to get entire puddle. Gag some more. Dry-heave into trash can.
Get the picture? Have I painted it well enough?
In other news, we leave for Creation THE DAY AFTER TOMORROOOOOOW! Woo-hoo!


Melody Strayer said...

Ugh. That's gross.

But slightly disappointing. I thought the black mass was gonna be Abbie poop or something. That would have made for a better story! :)

Connie G said...


Tim and Chrissy G. said...

oh...I have smelled this smell before. There is none quite like it. EWWWWWWWW!

In other news, YEA CREATION!!!!

Gretchen said...

Melody - Poop would be practically eau de parfum compared to this. Seriously, if I had to wear the scent of one or the other, I'd choose crap hands-down.

Shelley said...

I have smelled this vile stench and have to agree with you on this one. However, there is another smell that does compare.....rotten canteloupe. OMG is it dis-GUST-ing! A rotten potato and a maggoty canteloupe would make the strongest of stomachs wretch.

Michelle said...

I have had potatoes go bad and I know this stink which you speak of. But, as for my little PSA~ garbages don't stink if you compost. ;)

Have fun!!!

Gretchen said...

Michelle- Composting wouldn't have helped in this situation; the offending potato was still in my hanging basket. It just happened to be dripping down onto the trash can lid, which was behind the trash can.
Oh, and also, if this had been a contest for worst smells, I think Michelle would have won or tied with mine.