Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Housewife?

Wow, do I totally hate that term. Almost as much as I hate the internet acronym "SAHM" (stay-at-home-mom). (Although as a parenthetical aside [surprise, surprise], I do, in general, like acronyms. Almost too much, I think. My sisters and I have a secret acronym [and no, I won't tell you what it means, except to say that it does NOT stand for "Holly Springs"] that we share. HSP. That's all I have to say about that.) Anyway, the SAHM thing, aside from being awkward to say, just doesn't begin to encompass what I actually do. (Because you KNOW what I actually do...sit on the computer half the day and ignore my children. lol...see, there it is again) And I've already shot myself in the foot with using the "domestic goddess" title, since I can't claim to be one as I've already proclaimed across the internet (or to the five people who read this blog) that I am loudly, proudly, defiantly the domestic UNgoddess. Which is a good thing, because there are at least three other blogs on blogspot with some variation of domestic and goddess and un in the title.
I have decided that I prefer the title "household administrator". Doesn't that sound fancy and important? Like I might need an MBA (snorting at the acronym) to do the job correctly? What would the job description be? I'd really like your input. I'll get started:
* applicant will perform all household cleaning activities, including - but not limited to - cleaning up pee around the toilet from a 4-year-old with poor aim, scooping up dog crap in the backyard until offspring are old enough to perform the task, scraping dog crap off of said offspring's toes when they miss a spot, emptying the dishwasher ninety million times a week, fashioning princess dresses out of dishtowels and re-tying said dishtowel even though you've told the princess in question that a dishtowel is JUST NOT BIG ENOUGH and can we find something else?, automatically correcting manners (sometimes Daddy's by accident), etc, etc, ad nauseum, world without end, amen, amen.

Keep in mind that we are also a homeschooling family, so add in there the duty of biting your tongue when what you're teaching is JUST not sinking in (and I'll also throw out there that I KNOW it's my deal, and not theirs, and I need to find a different way to teach it. I understand all that.), correcting math worksheets and spelling tests, fielding questions that you don't know the answers to (thank God for the internet!).

So come on, guys, help me out. I want my resume to ROCK! Make me sound important! Remember, the title is "Household Administrator". Not housewife or SAHM or domestic engineer.

5 comments:

Melody Strayer said...

OK, how about:

Spending mass quantities of time procuring coupons via newspaper, grocery store circular, or internet site (but crap! the printer's out of ink, so you have to run to the Walmart 45 minutes away to get a printer cartridge for $27.99 so you can print out a coupon for 50 cents off a can of niblets) driving back out to the grocery store (another 30 minutes, "No Abbie! You can NOT have go-gurt! Blech!"), getting dirty looks when you ask the bagger to use your re-usable shopping bags ("and could you please put more than just ONE GALLON of milk and a pack of gum in the bag?!?"), getting home and preparing dinner (but oops, Micah forgot his Pull-up for nap time, so how about a impromptu load of laundry... but you're out of laundry soap so it's either back to the Walmart or else your entire house stinks of little boy piss) finally getting dinner on the table where Micah promptly cries, gags, then throws up said Niblets all over the linen tablecloth-- another load of laundry.

PS-- HSP... Mwah ha ha!

nanajobx said...

ahhh...but there will be no said run to the store for soap because all good domestic engineers know the secret to creating their own laundry soap from discarded bits of hand soap...so one point for GMB as she saves the day!

Sally B said...

How about these "skills":

Provide financial and emotional support; maintain production schedules; monitor and coordinate consumption and output of byproducts (children); purchase raw materials and provide oversight for production of daily consumables; schedule and provide transportation to outside events, yada yada yada...

Personally, I think you do a GREAT job. I hope you aren't applying for a position elsewhere?

Gretchen said...

I heart SallyB. That is all. (And not just 'cause she mothered a pretty cool boy.)

Connie Garlick said...

Don't forget choosing and administering curriculum for a multi-grade level education system